400 Rabbits

Centzon Tōtōchtin

THE LEGEND OF 400 RABBITS

Hang around Mezcal people long enough, and you’ll be told the Aztec legend of the 400 Rabbits, mostly mischevious characters who show up whenever people drink alcohol. Here’s our version:

Once upon a time, as they say, the Aztec Sky Goddess of Night and Fear,Tzinzimitl, enjoyed messing with humans by well, hiding the sun and making the planet go dark every night.

The Earth gods got kinda angry because the crops were dying. They all got together and figured out the best thing to do was to kill her, so one of them, brave Queztacoatl, the feathered serpent God of fertility, volunteered to go do it.

As luck would have it, on his way, he met  Tzizimitl’s granddaughter Mayahuel, fell in love with her, and forgot to finish his initial task. They got married and had some 400 children, in the shape of rabbits, who were all nursed by their mother, Mayahuel, from her 400 teats. Instead of breast milk, she produced pulque, the fermented nectar of the agave plant.

Legend has it that whenever you drink alcohol from an agave plant (like Mezcal or Tequila) one or more of them will inhabit you and control the “type” of drunk you get.

Until recently, only about 7 of the original Rabbits had been identified:

1. Tepoztecatl, or “Two Rabbit”, who gets your libido up

2. Macuil Tochtli, or “Five Rabbit”, who gets you the kind of drunk that gives you a bad hangover hangover af

3. Tezcatzoncatl, God of the Drunkards, who gets you so drunk that when you look in the mirror, it looks like it’s made of straw

4. Colhuatzincatl, or “The Winged One”, who gets you the kind of drunk that makes you feel light and like you could maybe fly

5. Tequechmecauiani, or “God of Hanging” is one you absolutly don’t want around, as he gets you the kind of drunk that makes you want to hang yourself. Yep, Aztecs were morbid

6. Toltecatl, or the “God of Early Civilization” was a strange rabbit who really wasn’t about getting drunk. He was more concerned with holding on to ancient cultures

7. Techalotl, or “Squirrel”, was the God of Dance and got you the kind of drunk that makes you want to dance.

Here are the 400 Rabbits of La Barca

THE KIND OF DRUNK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO PUT VASOLINE IN YOUR HAIR

THE KIND OF DRUNK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO PUT VASOLINE IN YOUR HAIR

THE KIND OF DRUNK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO PUT VASOLINE IN YOUR HAIR

THE KIND OF DRUNK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO PUT VASOLINE IN YOUR HAIR

400 RABBITS

  1. Two Rabbit, the drunk that raises your libido
  2. Five Rabbit, the drunk that makes you have a hangover the next morning
  3. The Straw Mirror, makes it so when you look in a mirror, all you see is a mirror made of straw
  4. The Winged One – you feel like you can fly
  5. The God of Hanging – you want to hang yourself
  6. The God of Early Civilization, the one God that makes it so you don’t get drunk no matter how much you drink
  7. The God of Dance, who makes you want to dance
  8. The God that makes you want to compliment people
  9. The God that makes you only want to slow dance
  10. The kind of drunk where you just sway back and forth
  11. you want to sleep
  12. you want to punch a wall
  13. you keep shushing people
  14. you want to text your parents and let them know you love them
  15. you kiss a gender you wouldn’t normally kiss
  16. you can’t tell who is the bad guy and who is the good guy in a story
  17. you trip on your own shoelaces
  18. you throw things away
  19. you buy your server a drink
  20. you buy everyone a drink
  21. you can ask someone for a phone number
  22. you can give someone your number
  23. you are just much nicer
  24. you think you are invisible
  25. you forget where you live
  26. you cant find glasses and you are wearing them
  27. you use the flashight on your phone to try to find your phone
  28. you look in the mirror and think you look really good
  29. you cry
  30. you pick up a guitar and play badly
  31. you try to sit in with the band
  32. you try to get up on stage
  33. you can’t draw a star
  34. you want to do a handstand
  35. you must be the life of the party
  36. you want to stand in the corner and not be seen
  37. you want to pee in a suitcase
  38. you wet yourself
  39. everything is funny
  40. the room spins
  41. you think you can dance better than anyone
  42. you throw up
  43. you won’t stop doing karaoke
  44. you take off your shirt and yell “woooooo”
  45. you cant get the key in to the keyhole
  46. you can’t remember your password
  47. you know your password but you can’t type it
  48. you don’t notice the caps lock is on
  49. you forget the name of the person you are talking to
  50. makes your fingers tingle
  51. your stories get really long
  52. you put your drink down and dont remember where
  53. you nurse your drink for hours
  54. you dont want to drink more to because you don;t want to get more drunk but dont want to stop because you want to keep your buzz
  55. you dont realize that you aren’t drinking your drink
  56. you want to smoke a cigarette for the first time in a decade
  57. you want to break up
  58. you want to get back together
  59. you want to propose marriage
  60. you actually propose marriage
  61. you accept a marriage proposal
  62. you go get married
  63. you think eloping would be a good idea
  64. you elope
  65. you get your first piercing
  66. you get another piercing
  67. you get your first tattoo
  68. you get a bad tattoo
  69. you think spiders are sooooo cute
  70. you willing to eat a scorpion pepper
  71. you say “do whatever you want”
  72. you leave permanent marks
  73. you allow someone else to leave permanent marks
  74. you put your arm around everyone
  75. you need to climb a fence
  76. you think you think fire doesn’t hurt
  77. you call everyone “Bro”
  78. you call everyone “mate”
  79. you call everyone “Mon”
  80. you call everyone “Sis”
  81. you call everyone “Dude”
  82. you start quoting monty python
  83. you start quoting the big lebowski
  84. you slur all your words
  85. you shower in your clothes
  86. you stumble
  87. you tell everyone you are a college professor
  88. you start talking with an english accent
  89. you start tap dancing
  90. you talk angrily about politics
  91. you talk about the nature of the universe
  92. think that ants are smarter than people
  93. you steal things
  94. wearing traffic cones as a hat
  95. wearing a lamppost as a hat
  96. shrieking
  97. flirting
  98. you keep talking about how drunk you are
  99. you keep saying “i’m not even that drunk”
  100. you crawl up a flight of stairs
  101. you slide down a flight on stairs on your ass
  102. you eat a whole pizza
  103. you know dont need a coat
  104. you record a sychronized dance on tiktok
  105. you watch hours of cat videos

DID WE MISS ONE?

Is there some type of drunk that we forgot? Let us know!

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